dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
