So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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