I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
