Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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