I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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