in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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