just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
