I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
