So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
