Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
