How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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