Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
