We won't sleep together?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
