That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
