i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i've created a new STD.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
