I can text with my tongue
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
