He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
