you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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