Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
