You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
