remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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