hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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