i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
