he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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