Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
