If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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