I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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