You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
