Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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