I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
