I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
