So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
