Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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