What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
