I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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