I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
