She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
