three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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