Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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