You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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