Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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