if i can run in heels then i can drive
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
