My pussy is not your playground.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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