Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
love makes seman taste better
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
