You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
