a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
