whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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