3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
