my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
