No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
