Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
