You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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